Queenie watched Kingie slowly walk out of the garden and down the path going into town. She stared out the window for a long time thinking of a way to get even with that skinny silly husband of hers. After all it was his fault she was swamped by those slimy frogs last night. If only he hadn't trod on the old Frog with that ridiculous big wart.
Suddenly her eyes lit up and a sinister smile came over her face. Then she hysterically laughed out loud and disappeared into the garden, armed with bucket and spade. Before long Queenie was puffing, panting and bright red underneath all the dirt which smudged her face and everything else. Every now and then she looked around to make sure Kingie wasn't there and finally she heaved a big, blue bucket full of slimy slugs onto the wooden kitchen table.
She took great care as she washed them in the sink and dropped them in a big pot of boiling water. She sang to herself as she prepared the meat sauce for the normal Friday night noodle meal. Cleverly she boiled some real noodles separate for herself and soon two big plates of noodle bolognaise lay steaming on the table. A nervous twitch went down her spine when she heard the door slam.
"Hello dear," she said ever so sweetly. "Had a nice day in town?" Kingie eyed her curiously, wondering why she was so nice to him. He smiled, showing a mouth with two black teeth. Queenie ushered him to sit down putting his plate in front of him. Licking his lips he didn't bother waiting for her to sit down but got stuck into the noodles straight away. "Not the same as usual," he mumbled between slobberings. "A bit gritty."
"Mine's fine," said Queenie stuffing the noodles in so fast that one flicked up onto her nose, leaving behind a lump of sauce that slowly dripped off the end off her nose and back onto her plate. Her beady little eyes gleamed as she watched her husband eat the last of the noodles. Kingie leaned back in his chair rubbing his big fat tummy. Bits of food stuck to his grubby grey shirt which partly overhung his saggy brown pants. An enormous burp followed a groan as he slowly stood up and shuffled into the kitchen. "What's the slugs in the bucket for?" he yelled out.
Queenie produced a mean laugh and slapped her hands together which caused big blobs of blubber to roll from neck to ankle. Kingie appeared in the doorway with a puzzled look on his face, holding the big, blue bucket. She couldn't contain herself any longer, "They're the noodles I didn't cook!"
Poor Kingie lay awake most of the night trying to think of some way to get even with that slobber, blubber wife of his. Finally he fell asleep with a happy smile on his face. For sure it would work, it was the best plan he could think of and silly Queenie would soon be running for her life.
"I'm going into town," Kingie announced, sticking his head around the kitchen corner. Queenie, dressed in a pink, lace nightie waved her hand. She was too busy stuffing herself with bacon and eggs to bother about Kingie. What a foolish husband, she thought to herself. How could anyone be so stupid as to mistake slugs for noodles. She still had to laugh thinking about last nights' dinner.
In the meantime Kingie was busily searching the chemist shelves for those special chocolates. When he found what he was looking for he bought a beautiful big box of dark chocolates as well. Carefully he undid the box and exchanged some chocolates for the 'bowel movers'. He laughed as he read the package again. "Medicine, keep out of reach of children. Adults only to take up to two squares a day." He was going to have a field day with that noodle monster of his.
It took some time to arrange the chocolates so Queenie wouldn't notice but then she never noticed much when it came to chocolates, her favourite sweets. When he came home he gave Queenie the box of chocolates, which he had wrapped in pretty paper. "Just to say I still love you," he explained and gave her the sweetest smile he could produce. Queenie swallowed it, hook, line and sinker. "No hard feelings?" she asked. Kingie shook his head and plonked himself satisfied in a chair.
That evening Queenie greedily ate chocolate after chocolate until finally every single one had gone behind her pink lips and into her huge body. She waddled upstairs complaining all the way, holding onto her bulky stomach which seemed to make grumbling, groaning noises as well as sloshing sounds. It wasn't long after the lights had gone out that poor Queenie started running for the toilet. She barely got back into bed and off she went again, each time groaning and hanging on to her bulky stomach. By the fifth time she didn't bother coming back. Kingie laughed as he listened to her screaming and cursing.
Satisfied he stretched out for the night, enjoying the big bed all for himself for the rest of the night. As for poor Queenie, she realised what had happened and she spent all night on the toilet planning to get back at Kingie for pulling such a rotten, dirty bowel moving trick on her. Slowly a plan formed in her head. "Perfect," she mumbled, "just perfect."
To be continued...